A day in the life/how to: lorry dog edition

6am: Arrive at the yard & check the premises is free from intruders. This is achieved by running around the same barn several times whilst making as much noise as possible. +10 bonus points are achieved for every neighbour you wake up.
7.00am: Discover that your handler is grooming and plaiting their horse instead of giving you attention. Sit outside the stable door and cry for 45 minutes whilst they do so to express your disdain.
7.45am: Follow your handler very, very closely for the next hour whilst they load the lorry in case they try to leave you. +5 bonus points for every time they nearly trip over you.
8.45am: Leave the yard and engage superior lorry dog mode. This is what you were made for.

9.20am: Arrive at the venue and promptly realise that there is mud & puddles as far as the eye can see. Spend 20 minutes tiptoeing through the trench-like conditions, trying to find a dry spot to sit whilst your handler gets tacked up.

9.43am: Get dragged across the muddy lorry park to the warm up. Express your disgust at this by walking really, really slowly and jumping all the puddles. +15 bonus points for every time you splash your handler whilst doing so.
11am: Head to photographers tent, conveniently placed beside the cafe, and gain yourself a new boyfriend in the form of a fellow black Labrador
11.15am: Give your handler your cutest look and end up sharing their breakfast
11.17am: Promptly dump your boyfriend when he also tries to get food off YOUR handler
11.35am: Get back into the lorry and fall asleep in the most helpful place possible.

12.10pm: Refuse to leave the lorry and head out into the rain and cold. Continue to sleep instead.
1.40pm: Finally get dragged out the lorry and into another car and head to your next clinic. Take a nap on route.

2pm: Take your place beside the arena to watch. Try to make friends with everyone you can, but allow no-one except your handler to touch you
2.10pm: Spot a cat across the other side of the arena. Proceed to make as much noise as possible in order to warn everyone about the threat.
2.15pm: Promptly get asked to leave for causing too much disruption. Apparently Olympic champions do not appreciate dogs interrupting their lessons. Clearly, they are cat people.
2.20pm: Sheepishly return to the yard and do another intruder check, just the same as before
2.25pm: Help with the mucking out by sitting in the most helpful place possible

3pm: Help with the sweeping by sitting in the most helpful place possible

3.20pm: Disappear for 45 minutes, refuse to come back to call, and once your handler is suitably panicked, return looking like this:

4.10pm: Spook a horse by barking
4.12pm: Chase after spooked loose horse, barking in an attempt to herd it.
4.15pm: Fail
4.20pm: Celebrate the caught horse by barking. More.
5pm: Sit in the middle of the school and make horses work around you. Refuse to move.
5.20pm: Make sure your handler is still alive when they get off their horse. Thank the horse too for not killing your handler.

6.30pm: Return home after a long day. Consider changing careers to something simpler, like a lap dog or petting zoo hound. Fall asleep dreaming of being a superior lorry dog anyway.


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